Lent thus far

Hmmm...so I kinda cringed when I looked back on this Lent. Though I would say that I did grow spiritually, it was in ways that I didn't expect (isn't that about par for the course?) And I did not hold myself to my Lenten fasts and lofty goals for personal prayer like I had hoped. I definitely realize the cost that came with my laziness. However, I am trying to look at it in a new light: I am trying to not focus on keeping God's Law on the outside like the Pharisees, but what is really more important-keeping God's Law and Love in my heart, and trying to accept and embrace it more. Here's a short conversation He and I had this afternoon...

Me: I realize I didn't keep to any of my resolutions for Lent this year.

God: I know that, dear. You still have much to learn about devotion, and discipline. So many more graces will be yours when this happens. But I have still managed to work in you during this season haven't I?

Me: Yes, Lord. I learned at least a little bit more about offering wheat and sacrifice. But it's so humbling, Lord. And very very hard. I know that I am weak. But I always wish I could suffer joyfully, like the Saints. Will You grant me the grace to do so?

God: Of course, My dear. But think about what you are asking of Me. By asking for the grace to suffer joyfully,  you also ask for such an opportunity to suffer, so that I may pour that grace upon you. Don't lose heart when this opportunity arrives. The first step to suffering joyfully is to realize that I Am the One allowing it. I also Am the One who sees you through it.

**Insert Lightbulb flash above April's head in the chapel**
Me: Yes, Lord. Whenever You grant my requests, I always curse my luck...when no such thing exists. Help me to always recognize Your Hand and Your Will in all things.

Amen to that!
Grace to you, friends and peace!

To know His will, or to do simply it?

This is gonna be fun. Stick with me...I promise its not just "bathroom" humor. **snicker, snicker**

Imagine you get out of bed in the middle of the night to find the bathroom. Though you cannot see clearly the familiar hallways or the doorways that lead to other bedrooms in your own house, you MUST make it to the bathroom. Ignoring the urge is not an option. In this situation,
Happy ending=you, in the bathroom, with an empty bladder and a peaceful feeling.

Ok, laugh a little at this absurd allegory. But, after you're done chuckling, go back to the moment when you wake up because nature calls. You might be slightly disoriented because you cannot see an inch in front of you in the dark, so what do you do?
1. I imagine you might have a floor plan of your house on your night stand to clearly show you the path to the bathroom. (You are about 1 in 89390238580230498304 if you do.) 

2. Or, you could grab your phone (which more probably IS on your night stand) and call your parents, who have better knowledge of the house than you do, and ask them to direct you to the bathroom from your bedroom. This course of action would allow you to make it to your destination with fewer embarrassing bumps into the walls and also, fewer entries into the wrong doorways than if you simply charged ahead without assistance.

3. The first two options are a bit superfluous. This is YOUR house. You know it, and you know that the tools that will enable you to get to the bathroom are available: stairs, doorways, your feet, your experience of your house. And the tightening feeling in your bladder is enough to motivate you to seek the bathroom, and to follow through until you reach your destination.

So why should you be embarrassed by bumping into the walls? Everyone else in your house is asleep. And why should it matter if you enter the wrong doorways? Just because you accidentally venture into your sister's room doesn't mean you can't retreat and re-orient so you head the right direction. And who will judge you for HOW you got to the bathroom, so long as you make it there successfully?

I understand that this story is awkwardly long and seems to go on a tangent. But put yourself in this story and make a couple of changes:
1. Floor plan of the house=exact plan for your life.
2. Phone=Prayer
3. Parents=God
4. Bumps, scrapes, wrong entries=attempts at following God's will
5.YOUR house=this world...God's world.
6. "Gotta go" feeling=call to holiness
7. Bathroom=Heaven

Make these switches and ask yourself the questions again. What's your journey with God shaping up like? Do you HAVE to know His will? Or do you simply have to do it, and trust that He will lead you to your final destination, regardless of how many mistakes your make or what kind of route you take to get there?

"We must never come to believe that we have all the answers. Though the answers are all available to us, no one is ever in full possession of them. God will continue to humble us, to remind us that we're children, by allowing us to fall and to find ourselves without the right answer at the right moment. He'll even permit this when we are, ostensibly, working for His good cause." ~Scott Hahn

Enjoy this ridiculous metaphor...hope it brings you some insight. Grace to you, and peace!