Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Ecclesiastes 3:11

"God makes everything beautiful for its own time."

I did not admit it last time I wrote, but the reason I quit writing on this blog for awhile is because I became very aware that I do not possess the right skill to be a good blogger. My story-telling and writing style (while proficient I would say) are such that they don't lend to the profound, thought-provoking posts that some of my friends contribute to their blogs (I follow some amazing bloggers, btw...I've posted some of their links on here before).
Shying away from blog posting last spring, incidentally, taught me a couple new things about myself:
1) I don't like to do things unless I can do them well
2) I'm getting better at recognizing my own shortcomings, as well as my talents

In addition to these insights, the last couple months of summer life and the first 3 weeks back at Rockhurst have helped me grow immensely in knowledge of my self. My quirks, my talents, my temptations, my desires. Thomas Merton talks about how as we get to know ourselves better, we grow in knowledge of God, and vice versa. Well, that's good. Means I'm learning more about God. :)

This idea of growth has definitely been a theme of my heart lately. God is growing me. He is making me, not "better," (implying the idea that I am not good enough as I am), but simply more complete. The pieces of me and Him that I am not yet aware of are out there, and He is showing them to me as is necessary, and no more than that. He is making me beautiful in my own time. The important part of that verse is not that I am being made beautiful, (again, implying that I am not beautiful by nature) but that I am being made beautiful for my own time. He is, with perfect timing and prudence, forming me in and for my journey toward Heaven.

This summer was so blissfully consoling. It was easy to pray, easy to love, easy to serve. And I grew and healed so much. And I am back again in KC, MO for my senior year at Rockhurst where, quite frankly, it is not as easy to serve, not as easy to pray, not as easy to love as it is in the Promised Land of Wichita, KS in the midst of my TEC framily. But the relative ease I assign to the places and tasks God calls me to don't really matter. I am blessed when I am at home. I am blessed equally as much here. I am called to love Christ with as much of my heart here as I am at home. My own time for being made beautiful is now, and it doesn't matter where I am placed. 

St. Maximilian Kolbe said once: "Pray that I may love without any limits." I used to think that was true in terms of the magnitude of my love. But I also realize now that I must love without limits to where the journey takes me, physically and spiritually. Christ calls me to love without ANY limits. Period.

So, as I write this imperfect blog post and muse on how different life at school is from life in summer, I pray that God continues to make me beautiful for my own time. May He do the same for you.

Grace to you all, and peace!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

An Opportunity: Bless Him with gratitude



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUopRWPH7vc

"Does God give us (insert virtue), or does he give us opportunities to (insert virtue in action)?"


This totally applies to trusting God and joyful submission to His will. 
 
When we ask God for the grace to trust in Him, He provides an opportunity for us to trust in Him. For example, a life transition that looms ahead, with uncertainty about what will happen. So what do we do with that opportunity? We trust in Him. Enjoy the present moments, which are beautiful and full of God's goodness and meaning. Instead of ruining the blessings we have with anxiety and fear of the future, we must return God's blessings with gratitude for what He has given us.

Worry and fear are merely distractions meant to keep us from embracing and accepting all God has given us. When we are tempted to worry about the future (and it is indeed a temptation), we must recognize it as an opportunity to enjoy the present...

*****

My lack of regular posting lately has been somewhat intentional, somewhat forced. Severe writer's block with some of the things I have thought about posting has been a sign...I think I am being called elsewhere, to grow and share what I've learned in a different way than an online blog. I'm not sure what that way is yet, but I imagine its a new opportunity. :)
I still plan to post songs, quotes and contributions from other cool people on here, but for the time being, I'm going to be mostly offline. Thanks for reading, and maybe I'll be back. Grace to you friends, and peace.

Sweet Heart of Mary, be our salvation!

Friday, April 13, 2012

Joyful Submission

*Sigh* Stepping back into the blogging world. Sorry for being away for so long. I was proud of my once-a-week streak...but I believe there's some kind of adage about all good things coming to an end. It's ok. Maybe a new one will start.

Like that positive tone? That subtle joy and lack of guilt/pressure/worry? It's a new thing I'm trying. I'm going to call it joyful submission, and I'd like to tell you about it. It's inspiration comes from 4 sources I will surely, eventually, beautifully relate to each other by the end of this post. 

I'll work chronologically, as these sources impacted me. 
1) I stumbled across a book called A Man for Others. It's a compilation of stories and testimonies about the life of St. Maximilian Kolbe, who. is. AWESOME. I had no idea. I mean, he already gets the awesomeness title because of his huge devotion to Mary (what with starting the Militia Immaculata and all), but his entire life was complete Franciscan, joyful, endlessly selfless giving. As I'm reading this book, I've been struck by his amazing capacity for joy. The man was often deathly ill and suffered all kinds of hardships in trying to start the MI. Not to mention the fact that he suffered persecution and martyrdom at the hands of the Nazis.  And over and over, those who knew him commented on his consistent serenity, peace and cheerful confidence in the Providence of God and the favor of our Heavenly Queen. 

2) While feeling disheartened, thinking that only SUPER holy people like St. Max could be so joyful, I came a quote (I regrettably canNOT remember where I found it or who said it) that said something along the lines of "joy is a daily choice." And I also know that joy, as being very separate from happiness, is more than an emotion. It is given to us as a grace from God. The decision to choose joy is a decision to choose to accept God's grace and work in our lives. Always a good thing, right?

3) The Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary. Thinking about them, especially in the life of Mary, brought me to some new insight. All 5 incidents in Mary's life were pretty precarious situations. Being told by a mysterious figure that she was going to have some magic baby out of wedlock, listening to a cousin spout off about her being the Mother of God, having to deliver her child in a stable, learning from some crazy old man that her Son would be the Savior of the world and would undergo immense suffering, and finding said Son after losing Him for 3 days. Tough stuff right? But the situations are still infused with joy. Watching God come through on His promises is definitely a cause for celebration, and for confidence in our Creator.

4) A friend sent a quote on Facebook that goes like so: Real servants don't struggle, they submit. 
Ouch. That one caught me right between the eyes. I have gotten stuck viewing this earthly life as nothing but struggle and fighting (the last couple blog posts about war come to mind?), when in reality, thats not the big picture. The analogy breaks down when the fight comes BETWEEN me and God. How silly would it be if an instrument I needed to do a job suddenly decided to not fulfill the purpose for which I had chosen it? How silly is it when I, as my Lord's servant, suddenly decide not to submit to His perfect and loving will? A good servant follows his master's will. As should I.

So, integration time. St. Maximilian's example of genuine, ceaseless confidence in Mary his Queen, and in God was a reflection of Mary's endless joy and humility as Mother of God. St. Max chose joy because he chose to submit to his Master. Real servants don't struggle, they submit.

Hmmm, let's give it a shot. There is abundant cause to be joyful this time of year. It is Easter.
Are you a real servant?

Grace to you all, and peace!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Ready to Rage

http://www.lifenews.com/2012/03/05/obamacares-next-gift-after-birth-contraception/

I use the word "rage" and cite its correct definition. Most people my age think its means a great party. But what I say rage, I mean what dictionary.com says: "to act or speak with fury; show or feel violent anger..."

And violent anger is what I feel when I read about Obama's support for infanticide. The euphemism doesn't even begin to mask the meaning; "after-birth contraception" is murder. And that has nothing to do with when human life begins. I don't care what kind of whacked out scientists try to say that life begins after conception...there has NEVER been any doubt that life has not already begun after a child is born. And the truth that cannot be obscured, no matter how stupidly arrogant Obama and other pro-choicers get, is that murder is wrong. Ending a life that has already begun violates natural law.

It seems that sometimes anger can be destructive to a cause. It can poison it. The temptation to act out of impulse and revenge, rather than charity and compassion, is very real. But righteous anger is also powerfully motivating. Anger can be the catalyst that fills a person with courage to stand up to injustice...like a boss. If you have read anything Cardinal Dolan or Marc Barnes has written on the HHS Mandate lately, you know what I mean.

As for my take on anger...I'm, well, female. And what's more, I'm personally an intensely emotional female. The last 6 months of my life have allowed me to realize how deeply I feel...and while I've spent much of the last 6 months cursing this trait, I've also come to understand how beautiful a trait it is. I have a talent for empathizing with and caring for people because I am motivated by such strong reactions to their experiences. I'm pretty sure John and Stasi Eldredge were talking about me when they said that "there is something fierce in the heart of a woman." That fierceness comes from a seemingly endless capacity to feel. And the ability/opportunity to feel anger deeply is in no short supply in the struggling world we live in.

So, fabulous brothers in Christ, next time you think about rolling your eyes and chuckling because your fellow sisters cry or fly off the handle, remember that it is their God-given emotional capacities that motivate them to love others...like the 1/3 of your generation that has been lost due to abortion.

Obviously, I rage about life issues...but what do you rage about?

Our Lady of Guadalupe and Queen of Peace, pray for us!
Grace to you all, and peace.
 PS-I also just want to share this link I found...
More Americans "Pro-Life" than "Pro-Choice" for the First Time (yeah!)
http://www.gallup.com/poll/118399/more-americans-pro-life-than-pro-choice-first-time.aspx

Monday, February 27, 2012

Random, but semi-related news/thoughts, why I love FB, and War update-Part III

"What was God doing before you got there?"

This question was indirectly put to me last weekend, and it really segues well from my last post. Someone was telling me a story, and he mentioned that people who serve others sometimes get the idea that they are the be-all and end-all when it comes to getting stuff done. That we have such a desire for results, for that achievement high, for validation for our hard work...we forget that its not really about us. Now, don't get me wrong. Ambition is a wonderful thing, especially in terms of serving others, fighting the good fight, building up God's Kingdom, yada-yada. But sometimes we-ok, I-get stuck in thinking that if I am not present and contributing to the start AND finishing touch of some work God puts me to, I'm not doing enough.
"If I don't go, who will?"
"If I don't finish this, it won't get finished."
These thoughts sound familiar, ambitious do-gooders?

Totally my bad...And totally conceited. Believe it or not, Jecha and company, the world, God's view of it, and the value of my work are larger than what I see. To quote a song from an epic cartoon-animated movie based on Moses' life: "Look at your life through Heaven's eyes."

God was slinging stones/swinging light-sabers and swords/beating down evil long before He assigned me to anything, and He'll be doing the same long after I'm called to other things. My contributions are a lot less significant or essential than I'd like to think. (But He still appreciates and uses my input. He's such a good Guy.)   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG0a9WFkgzU
 
To illustrate my point, I keep hearing about new developments in the pro-life cause that have nothing to do with me, but that started before I cared so much, and will continue to develop far beyond my own ability to contribute. THIS is why I love FB...because it grants access to SO MUCH information. It can really unite pro-lifers to each other. Social networking rocks:
They're really threatening to close down all Catholic hospitals if the HHS doesn't call its mandate quits. This is the heart-wrenching consequence of the government's intrusion on religious freedom. President Obama, please don't try to call this a bluff or force the Catholic Church's hand. In my humble opinion, you'll be wrong.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/cardinal-george-all-catholic-hospitals-will-close-in-two-years-under-hhs-ma

A semi-related thought about abortion, but really, its about being true to yourself. Her writing style is fantastic, and I love her personality. And she defends chastity brilliantly.
http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/hi-my-name-is-kristen-and-im-abstinent

This one's my favorite:
http://www.lifenews.com/2012/02/27/planned-parenthood-closes-texas-center-after-de-funding/

Barring prayer, none of these happened with any of my direct help. The USCCB going toe to toe with Washington, Kristen's conversion, and PP in Odessa closing...this is was what God was doing looooong before the links popped up on my facebook. So here's the update on War: Part III...I'm still fighting, but it is He who is still winning.

Our Lady of Guadalupe, and Queen of Peace, pray for us!
Grace to you all, and peace.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

War sucks. Oh well...

So, my plan was to write another post about the developments on the HHS mandate and all my battles for the pro-life cause. Well, life got a little hectic during all those battles, and with my sword in one hand and my light-saber in the other, typing up a blog post was not really an option. I'll put my sword down (light sabers are cooler) for the moment and update a little. Since I posted last:

*I signed a petition that ended up with the 25,000 signatures it needed, which was exciting, and it elicited a response from the White House, albeit a nasty one.
*Like I said last time, Komen quit funding Planned Parenthood, which was also exciting. They then further clarified their reasons for doing so, which was noble and even more exciting. I heard a statistic that the day they made the decision, donations to their organization increased 100%. Yay for women's health!
*The last time I posted, I asked for prayers for our pro-life group meeting about the HHS mandate. Good news. There were upward of 15 people (a remarkably well-attended meeting) there and the next day I mailed off 28 letters to the Senators of both Kansas and Missouri. Very exciting.
*I had a great conversation with a Protestant, explaining the Catholic Church's teaching on contraception. He seemed receptive, and asked me a lot of great questions I have to learn more about.
*I had another intensely great conversation with a some-kind-of-Christian/agnostic/spiritual-condition-unknown about the whole reason the HHS mandate is a problem. When we had exhausted the topic, all the other party had to say was "I don't know." He must have been thinking really hard. Encouraging.

So, lots of good stuff right? Many battles won/started with good progress. But sometimes, the casualties and injuries and setbacks really get to me:
**The "accomodation" made by the Obama Administration regarding the HHS mandate isn't much of an accomodation at all. I like the analogy made here:

(Marc Barnes, aka "badCatholic"-who I've very recently become a fan of-wrote a "letter" on his blog to Obama stating his opinion of the new accomodation.)

"To accommodate them [USCCB] you said the “insurance company — not the hospital, not the charity — will be required to reach out and offer the woman contraceptive care free of charge.
"Obama, who — precisely — is buying the insurance companies’ free-contraceptive coverage? Who but the Catholic institutions, the institutions morally opposed to providing contraception to their employees? All you’ve done is forced morally opposed institutions to pay for other institutions that will provide contraception. Yes, this is akin to forcing those morally opposed to murder to hire hitmen. Not only is it immoral, unconstitutional and arrogant, it’s also painfully unintellectual..."
 For full access to this intense letter, go here: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/badcatholic/

**Almost immediately after the uproar surrounding its decision to defund Planned Parenthood, the Komen Foundation reversed it. It could have been a sucker-punch of a letdown, but pro-lifers shouldn't throw Komen under the bus yet.
"[CEO Nancy Brinker]...make[s] clear that they will amend their guidelines [for funding decisions] so only 'criminal and conclusive' investigations affect their funding decisions. They will ensure that 'politics has no place in our grant process,' and they will 'continue to fund existing grants, including those of Planned Parenthood, and preserve their eligibility to apply for future grants, while maintaining the ability of our affiliates to make funding decisions that meet the needs of their communities.'" http://www.jillstanek.com/2012/02/decoding-komens-supposed-cave/

...I don't know. These two minor calls for retreat and re-group in the pro-life cause weren't super huge considering the amount of progress made in recent months, and I haven't beeen personally handed a lethal injury in my personal pro-life battles either. But the thing about battling is: it sucks. It's tough, and even if nothing negative happens, it gets discouraging, waiting for immediate victories and conquests.

I get tired of asking the gentlemen in my life to watch their language around me. I get tired of turning off the music with negative messages that my residents like to blast on the radio in the bathroom, and coming back a couple hours later to have it turned on again. I get tired of organizing college student events that are alternatives to partying and having only 6 people show, instead of the 15 who verbally committed. I get tired of the stress of making up homework after being gone for 3 days because I was on the March for Life. I get tired of the exhausting conversations I engage in about my faith with people who aren't willing to listen. I get tired of listening to others because they just need to vent, and they never ask about how I am. I get tired of being raw and open and honest with others, when the favor is not returned.

I am not writing to complain or to demand that the opportunities God grants me to love others pass me by. Throwing up the white flag is not an option. Never has been and never will be. Fighting the good fight is what I do as a Christian woman in a hurting world. But I am writing to empathize in everything that people go through when they suit up to fight for Christ. War is tough.

But I guess thats why God told Paul to tell the Ephesians to "draw your strength from the Lord and from His mighty power. Put on the armor of God so that you may be able to stand firm against the tactics of the devil." 
-Ephesians 6:10-11

He also pointed out that I shouldn't get discouraged, because I'm not really responsible for victory, or in charge anyway.
"Therefore neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who causes the growth." -1 Corinthians 3:7

So get off your high horse, Jecha, because
"There is only one Savior of this world, and you are not Him."
-my best friend

So what if every little pro-life battle I engage in doesn't reach my definition of success?
"God does not require that you succeed, only that you try."
-Blessed Mother Teresa

and
"There may be times when we're powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we stop protesting it." -Elie Weisel
The reason I know I was supposed to write this post, is that I was scrolling down my newsfeed on good ole' FB a couple minutes ago, being discouraged and grumbling and mumbling, and I saw these 3 statuses, from 3 people who are completely unrelated in my life. And I'm pretty sure none of them were explicitly related to a pro-life thought.

"The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Unknown, attributed to several people

"Jesus, I TRUST in you!"

"Friggin' solid brick walls. I'll break through one of 'em eventually."

Boom.
It says somewhere in Scripture that those who love God can run and not grow weary. So I'm going to keep battling, even when I'm tired. Because guess what? War does suck.
But we're on the side that wins.


Mama, Our Lady of Guadalupe and Queen of Peace, pray for us!
Grace to you, and peace.
April :)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

This means war.

In all the uproar with the new Health and Human Service Mandate, the investigation into Planned Parenthood, and the March for Life itself,  I'm declaring an April vs. Abortion war on my blog. What my next couple posts will show are the videos, articles, pictures, and experiences that have blown up my facebook wall over the last week. To start with is one of my favorites, which made my day this morning: Komen for the Cure is no longer supporting Planned Parenthood.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aq0kBkUZbvQ&feature=player_embedded
They've been lying. Surprise, surprise? I know there are folks out there who are very commited to breast cancer research. I in no way, shape or form demean that cause. But, when you're monetarily supporting an organization for providing a certain service (mammograms) that they DON'T provide, where do you think that money goes? Just April's speculation: investment in Planned Parenthood's most lucrative service. 
Present here is an article in the LA times which scathingly reports the severed ties between Komen and PP. I just want to point out what I said above. Lying to one of your donors about how you're going to use their money is perfectly professional grounds for them to remove their monetary support. Oh, never mind that PP is under federal investigation. Even if PP were providing mammograms like they said, its not a poor move to sever ties with an organization under investigation. Duh.
http://www.latimes.com/health/la-he-planned-parenthood-komen-20120201,0,4104682.story

"Over the last five years, Planned Parenthood has provided about 4 million breast exams and referrals for 70,000 mammograms nationwide."
Referrals. Since when do organizations get funding for their secretaries making referrals? I should get extra funding. I'm an RA. Making referrals is what I do...

Ok, ok, I'll get off my soapbox for now. But you can be sure I'll be keeping it out for awhile. Coming off the largest peaceful protest in America, (M4L whoop whoop!) I'm ready to rage against this evil. If you're also in, join the rosary campaign. It starts today and goes for 18 days.
 http://www.facebook.com/#!/events/292426467479696/.
If you're not Catholic, pro-lifers still rock, and please keep praying with us!
Bishop Jackels said it well: "pray, pray more, and pray more harder."
http://catholicdioceseofwichita.org/office-of-the-bishop/documents/doc_view/2285-bishop-jackels-response-to-hhs-mandate

Please pray for Rockhurst's Hawks for Life group. We're learning more about the HHS mandate tonight at our meeting. For those unfamiliar, that will be my next topic of conversation.

Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us!
Grace to you all, and peace!