Fight another day

I've been on campus for almost 3 weeks. Life has been a pleasant rate of busy. I have had very little free time, and what free time I have had remains full of tasks to be completed, in preparation for returning students (Yikes! They're gonna be here tomorrow!). Bulletin boards, door decorations, room condition cards, crisis management and conflict mediation training sessions...being semi-responsible for the safety and comfort of a group of college students requies much of me. But the Resident Assistant job I am preparing for really excites me. I mean, I'm essentially earning a free place to live while doing the things I love: building relationships and cultivating and enjoying community. God be praised for the opportunity to fully live and develop my passions, especially as they pertain to the career path I want to follow some day. Better said by a psychologist who spoke at one of our sessions at leadership camp:

"You will make the greatest impact [on your organization] with your strengths, your passions fully developed and fully lived, rather than your weaknesses marginally improved."

This really stuck out to me. We all know that we're our own worst critics. Even as I'm discovering passion for this job, the last two weeks have been pretty tough. My prayer life is nowhere near where it used to be, and I'm struggling to be open to God's will in my weaknesses, which have manifested themselves very clearly in the last 2 months. There have been times when I remember how hard this summer was, when I think about how lonely I am, and I get overwhelmed with how weak I feel. During one of my low moments at camp, I retreated to my room so I could be upset for a moment and collect myself before going back into the conference room. As is typical of these moments, I chewed God out, telling Him I didn't feel like I could do this. As is typical of Him and His goodness lately, He didn't really answer. As I continued to complain about my lack of spiritual consolation, I heard Him say something to the effect of "Suck it up, and deal with it."  This would have been much less comforting and much more damaging to my psyche, if it hadn't been said in a tone that sounded strangely like my mother's voice, when she's gently scolding me to get over myself.

Sometimes, its all I can do to remember to focus on my passion for what I'm doing, to play to my strengths, as they say. And I think thats what the quote above, (which I heard promptly after returning to the conference room that day) means. I can try as hard as possible to fix myself so I'm good enough/well enough to be an RA. OR, I can chase after the opportunity God has given me anyway, to live the passion I have, even if I don't feel capable of living it out. A few days later, I heard a song that communicates such a theme well.

"Do you feel the fire when the flame gets hot?
Are you living every day like its the last you've got?
Do you step aside when it all falls down, and watch it burn away?
Have a little faith when the walls cave in,
Pray for strength to fly against the wind.
Will you walk away when the fire gets hot, or fight another day?"

Addison Road-Fight another day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvT74QsGwOU

"My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness." ~2 Corinthians 12:9

May you chase your passions anyway, and gain strength from God to fight another day.
Grace to you, and peace.